Landscaping

When people in my hometown first heard I was moving to Texas, a few of them asked me, "are there trees in Texas?" Yes, friends, there are trees in Texas. A lot of them are smaller, squattier versions of the ones back home, but some of them are big and provide excellent shade. There are also plants that try to eat your leg off, as I discovered this weekend.

This weekend, I went with the bf and one of his buddies to Brownwood, Texas for a wedding. It was an eventful trip considering the guys sat up front and the dog and I inhabited the tiny bench backseat of the pickup. It got even more eventful when we stopped on the side of the road in Flat, TX (actual town name. I used the GPS on my phone to tell people where we were in case no one ever heard from us again) because the oil pressure was down, the engine temp was up, there was a strange knocking noise coming from the engine and we couldn’t go over 55 mph. Limped to Gatesville (home of a prison and the only Wal-mart I’ve ever seen where the groceries and produce are on the left side), put three quarts of oil in, ate some Subway and booked it to Brownwood to switch cars with his parents, change clothes in a gas station bathroom and hustle to the wedding. We made it just in time.

Brownwood is pretty close to the center of Texas and it was HOT. And DRY. But lovely. The wedding was outside and in the afternoon so there was a lot of sweat happening but once I took off my boots, I was much better. And the groom’s uncles cooked a pig. In the ground. Only one of my favorite things ever. But pork BBQ vs. cow BBQ is another story and there was also chicken, brisket, blackberry cobbler and pink lemonade. I may have also eaten a vegetable. Ah-mazing. After the wedding, instead of staying in Brownwood, the three of us drove to Blackwell, TX to stay with the bf’s parents on the lake. The cool air from the water rocked and it was nice to see his fam again, including his chocolate lab (even though he brought my underwear into the living room twice).

Sunday morning we were up bright and early. Or, the dogs were up bright and early so we got up too. For some unknown reason, I decided to wander around outside, in an unfamiliar environment, with my glasses on. We’re walking around, I’m squinting in the sun, trying to keep my 18 lb. dog from pulling me off my feet whenever she sees a rabbit, which is often. She’s freakishly strong. Browning, the lab, keeps pulling as well and each time he does, the bf makes him heel (stop, go behind him and sit down to wait) so the walk is taking a really long time. I’m wearing flip flops because I love them but the ground out there is really different from most lake environments I know. It’s got a steep incline, it’s really dusty and there are rocks every where. They’re getting in my shoes, I’m rolling around, slipping. It’s beginning to get really annoying so I decide to stop waiting on Browning to heel and take off for the house. The lakes where I’m from have mud. It’s flat-ish and the ground is soft and full of grass. Every where that’s flat has big trees growing for awesome shade. Perfect hammock atmosphere. In Blackwell, there’s just rocks, mesquite “trees” and cacti.

I complete the loop about the same time that bf and Browning catch up to Hope and I and we start to cut across the yard/rocky ground with trees. Bf is pointing out mesquite trees (which are the size of South Carolina bushes) and I’m studiously staring at the ground, avoiding cacti and large, ankle-breaking rocks because I have no peripheral vision in my glasses and without sunglasses, the sun is blinding me. I notice some grass that is bravely poking up through the dry, rocky ground and step through it. The grass promptly reaches out and sticks its needle sharp blades into my calf. This causes me to shriek and jump away from this leg-eating grass. This causes the bf to turn in alarm, while Hope takes advantage of the situation, yanking her leash and making my remaining good leg skid along the rocks. Using my cat-like reflexes, I regain my balance and control of the dog and attempt to look at the gaping wound in my leg.

"Are you ok?" asks my caring bf.

No. I absolutely am not. That seemingly innocent looking grass jumped out and attempted to eat a chunk out of my leg. Now it's burning and stinging and red. And the sun is still in my eyes and I can barely see what's going on because I'm wearing glasses!

"Haven't you ever seen yucca before?"

"NO. I have NOT seen YUCCA before. This GRASS just attacked my leg and you're asking me about YUCCA?!"

"That's what that is. Be careful. It has stickers."

Too little, too late. By now I'm grievously wounded and I can't decide if I want to scratch the places where the yucca got me or put ice on them because it burns. I limp back to the house, avoiding anything that's not a rock, put my contacts in immediately and settle for putting lotion on my legs as it continues to alternately burn and itch for another 20 minutes.

Bottom line: Plants here will try to eat you.